In class Wednesday, the subject of gay men and women came up and about how they are treated differently. I had been thinking of this after reading some of the handouts that talked about lesbianism for class and have realized that I do belive women have the upperhand in the situation.
Homosexual men are treated completely different than homosexual women. Men are treated terribly and women are treated differently than normal, but not as harsh as men. When we discussed this in class, we thought of some reasoning on why something like this would happen, but we never really came to any conclusion as to why it does happen.
I believe this happens because women and men have different standards to uphold. Men are supposed to be into women and only women. Men are supposed to be masculine and have power and control. Women are seen as having no power and no control, being very emotional. Men are seen as hiding their emotions becuase they will be stereotyped and then talked about when they have done nothing wrong. Women want to be with someone who can be open about their emotions, just like they are and people can understand that so they aren't ridiculed for being a lesbian and being open about it.
Having a gay uncle, I called him for some insight into why he believes this to be true. When we talked, he told me about how gay men are mostly just treated differently by other straight men because they are threatened by them and straight women are harsher on lesbians because they are threatened by them. He said in the work force where he works, all the women love him because they know he is never going to try anything and they don't feel threatened, while he had to earn the respect from the straight men. When he first started working there, he had to work twice as hard and jump twice as high to earn that respect. He does agree that women do have an upperhand though, because lesbians aren't treated as harshly as gay men.
I agree with the things my uncle says about homosexuals being treated differently because straight people do feel threathened by them. Being a straight women talking to a gay man, I can completely see where he is coming from when he talks, and I don't think it's right and it should change. Men are women, gay or straight, should all be treated equally. The truth is that with the judgement placed on women and men, that won't happen. I do see though, where women have the upperhand when it comes to homosexuality and the way they are treated.
I have to completely agree with Erika on this one! I do believe that gay men are treated differently than lesbians. I find it interesting that a lot has been written on the lesbian continuum but nothing about any continuum for men and their relationships together. I think that gay men are, unfortunately, looked down upon because they are engaging in a type of continuum with other people (men &/or women). Straight men in our society, I believe, are taught that there is no continuum for their relationships with other men. Yes, they do have close friends and such, but it's not at all like how women have relationships with other women. All of the gay men that I know, and am friends with, try to have more emotional and deeper relationships with others, like women do, and they are looked down upon for doing that! Lesbians aren't ridiculed as much as gay men because they are WOMEN and it's not a big deal for women to have their continuum in our society. Also, our society believes that women can "upgrade" and become more masculine, but for men to "downgrade" (aka- be gay) is unacceptable because then they are participating in the (lesbian) continuum by having more meaningful and deeper emotional relationships with people.
ReplyDeleteI understand where you're coming from, but I wonder, do women really have a continuum in our society? Yes, I agree that women typically have deeper relationships with other women than men have with other men, but could it be that it is because women put more effort into building and maintaining their interpersonal relationships than men do? I guess I just wouldn't go so far as to say that this constitutes as a continuum. Also, I wonder if lesbians receive less criticism in our society than gay men due in part to the male gaze. To men, lesbians are oftentimes viewed as "hot" or "sexy", while gay men are harshly criticized and deemed unmasculine. Given this, could the (seemingly) broader acceptance of lesbianism simply be us submitting to the male gaze once again? Just some food for thought.
DeleteSame-women do have the upper hand. I think part of the reason this is so is because of the objectification and the eroticization of women in society over time. To be with another woman is almost always seen as "hot" or "sexy" no matter who it is because as the article we read in class suggests, everyone is trying to be involved and create a relationship with a woman.
ReplyDeleteIt's such a ridiculous thought but it has been heavily ingrained into our society. We're all humans and we all have feelings. "Downgrading" and/or "upgrading" should not be the reason -even though it evidently is the reason- why one couple is more ridiculed or becomes subject to hate and humiliation than another.
I think that the upper hand you are speaking of might also be drawing on the persisting idea that men take care of women. On the playground growing up I so often heard things like, "go easy on her because she's a girl". This is the societal translation of this overarching idea that women aren't up to a physical challenge and as such must be treated easier. It isn't an upper hand as much as it is a hand-out; a hand-out that belittles and discourages the strength of women. I know that when I played kickball or whatever at school I never wanted people to go easy on me for any reason, I saw it as an affront to me and how others perceived me. Just because women seem to get it easy sometimes doesn't mean they are getting the best end of the deal. In my opinion, it feeds that persistent societal notion that women can't.
ReplyDeleteAs far as lesbian women having the upper hand, I think it's very important to not generalize an entire group of people, in this case lesbian women. Yes, I believe alot of social media, movies, songs, porn, etc. have played up lesbianism to the point where many people have a newly developed "male gaze" perception of lesbians, however, I also believe and have experienced the lower hand, called homophobia. Although there are different kinds of homophobia, and not all homosexual people experience the same kind, does not mean that only gay men experience the extreme worst and only lesbian women get it easy. Taking from an experience one of my friends had, her family was up in arms so to speak about the fact that she wanted to cut her hair short. Her mother's words..."I don't understand why you have to look the part" ... "look the part" Her mom was more upset about a hair cut than a tattoo my friend had secretly gotten a few weeks before that. Make sense?! My point is not all lesbian women fit into this male desired category. Some women (even straight women) are ridiculed about their appearance, some are beaten, some are raped, and some are even killed. I think it is important to remember that we are all individuals, and every person (no matter what their gender identity or sexual orientation are) has a different experience.
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