I want to share a quick story with you all from my experiance at dinner tonight!
I went out with a group of friends, and at the table behind us sat a couple who looked to be in their late 50's. When the waitress brought them their check she sat it slightly closer to the woman, apparently this was a very poor decision on her part. The older gentleman got very upset that the check was sat in front of his wife as if she was going to pay. He continued to make a scene and explain to the waitress she should either sit the check in the middle of the table or closer to the man. As he was leaving the table after finally paying his bill, and bring the poor girl to tears, he was mumbling about how "young people these days just don't understand correct chivalry. How dare she think my wife would pay for the dinner bill."
My friends, and everyone around, were very confused by the elder mans entire situation. I'm not sure if he was so worried about this because of the generation gap and people not thinking the check must me sat in front of the male at the dinner table, or maybe because he felt that his rights as the man of the family were being taken from him? This little incident just got me thinking about how different power, as well as the male and female roles, are between generations!
That's scandalous. I've never seen someone make a scene over who was getting the check but this reminds me of a thought and comment I made to my brother a couple weeks ago when we were watching the MTV show "Washington Heights". A guy and a girl went out to eat at restaurant as their first date and at the end he asked how they should split up the check and I was absolutely appalled by that and I told my brother he was a dumbass for doing that on a first date. So reading this makes made me think, we really do internalize these things we constitute as "chivalry".
ReplyDeleteI have never seen anyone make a scene over the check either. It's crazy to think people actually do that. It's just a check! Grab it if you want to pay that badly. But I do think the reason he did that was because it was his right as the man to pay and felt that they were being taken away. Men feel more powerful when they can take care of their family and paying the check shows more power like he has all the money. Men want to feel powerful and paying the check to him, must feel powering over his wife and make him feel like he is taking care of his family as the man.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Ashley, Laura, and Erika - it's crazy to think that someone would be so rude and inappropriate over something as little as who's paying the check. However, I do agree with what Erika said about it being a power thing; in my experience, when men adamently uphold traditional views of how male-female relationships should be - that is, when they believe men should ALWAYS pay for everything, women should stay home and take care of the children, etc - it is because they feel inadequete in some way, shape, or form and are attempting to feel more adequete by being in control of not only a situation, but someone else. Although, this situation with the check is also interesting because it's something that my boyfriend and I always pay attention to when we go out - we are always interested to see where the waiter/waitress places the check and we've noticed that 9 times out of 10, they place it closer to him.
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ReplyDeleteIn responce to Heather's last point- saying that 9 times out of 10 they place the check closer to her boyfriend, I have a friend who is a waitress who told me their resaurant was instructed to do this. Her boss instructed all of the waiters and waitresses to place the check directly in the middle of the table. However, if there is no room and they must place the check closer to either the male or female, they are to place the check closer to the male. I found it odd that this was such a big deal to her boss. Her boss told her the purpose was to "not make either person feel awkward when the check was laid down and so no 'problems' were caused over who will be paying. Since the man usually pays anyways".
ReplyDeleteI don't know about you guys- I just had NO IDEA that, A) who pays and B) where the check is placed, are two things that are such a huge deal to some people.