Pégame pero no me dejes, mátame pero no me olvides.
This translates to: "Hit me but don't leave me, kill me but don't forget me."
Just think about all the meanings that are packed into this simple literally saying but also insinuating. What is this suggesting? That a woman couldn't possibly live without a man? Well of course she can, but it will always be better to be a woman with man -no matter the circumstances- than to be a woman with no man. You're the winner if you have the man.
The dependency on men that women are taught of from an early age -as suggested by Rousseau among others- is part of their socialization. Violence against women is acceptable and the power dynamic between men and women is seen as an inevitable fact, reinforcing machista ideology in western culture that are explored in MacKinnon's "Sexuality" piece. Men's agency in the workforce, and what he provides (without measurement of the quantity or quality) for his woman and his children has always been sufficient validity and justification for his reasons (or better yet the lack of them) to take out his aggression on, disrespect and/or humiliate those he is suppose to love and treat otherwise.
Most could think: who the hell would allow this barbaric behavior? Male dominance and female subordination is perpetuated through our earliest socialization: the family. The most "subtle" remarks or actions carry bigger meaning than what he consciously think and realize. With their accumulation over time and the reinforcement from the surrounding society, we teach and mold children this by what we allow and don't allow them to do, but also by what they see for themselves.
What can be done to reverse this trend? Will it see elimination until gender does too?
I really enjoyed reading your blog - the information itself is really sad, but I liked your thoughts about this.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could figure out a way to reverse the trend, it's hard for me to imagine a world where there would be no more male domminance and female submission in this violent way.
Your comment reminds me of the song by The Red Jumsuit Apparatus called Face Down. In this song he describes a violent relationship between a man and a woman, and for a period of the song the woman refuses to leave him. But then towards the end of the song the lyrics read:
Face down in the dirt, she said,
"This doesn't hurt", she said,
"I finally had enough."
I feel like we need more songs similar to the message behind this song, it's hard for me to hear my little sister talk about several of her favorite songs which I feel really leave women powerless. While the beat is catchy in several, the messages are usually terrible. We need music in this world with stronger meanings for men and women. A call to action to change the course of our understanding of relationships. While this would not fix even remotely everything it may be a good start.
I agree with Ariel's comment on this. It really is hard to imagine a world without male dominance and female submission, but it would be nice to have it that way.
ReplyDeleteWhen Ariel said your post reminded her of the song Face Down by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and her sisters favorite songs that she feels leave women powerless, the song that came to my mind about a change was We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together by Taylor Swift. The song talks about how she's had enough and she isn't going to give in because she knows nothing is ever going to change.
It would be nice for more songs to appear like this by women, who show us that enough is enough and we can do our own things and not have to give in to men all the time. Women don't have to be so submissive all the time and can have some dominance, I believe.
We have been discussing in class many of the ways in which sexuality and relationships between man and woman are socially constructed by this idea of male superiority and female inferiority. This post and the saying or 'dicho' you posted above reminded me of a way in which male dominance and female submission is engrained into another concept -- family -- and in non-violent ways. Before I came back from Christmas Break, my family recorded a voicemail on our home phone. My mom wanted the voicemail to include all of us saying our names. She said we would say our names in chronological order of age. She then looked at my dad and told him he would start. Without really thinking, I told her she was the oldest so shouldn't she say her name first? She wasn't quite sure how to respond except to say my dad was the male of the house so he should begin the voicemail by saying his name.
ReplyDeleteThis is the way our house was always structured since I was brought up in a very conservative, Christian family, but it had never really struck me before in the way that it did during the voicemail incident. Even though my dad is more laid-back and quiet than my mom, she always expected him to punish the children when necessary, to control the money, etc. I think it is very interesting that even more so than simply in the relationship between a man and a woman, family dynamics (and religion) place male superiority and female inferiority as guidelines to follow.